A Word From The Narrator

This blog chronicles the adventures of thee extraterrestrials – Gorgo, Lipneck and the Thing Whose Name Does Not Translate Into English. I shall call it Bob.

Gorgo, Lipneck and Bob were on their way to a fantastic vacation destination light-years away when their spaceship crash-landed onto Earth. You see, while they might have spent thousands of Traezips to book a fabulous resort spa, they were inherently cheap at heart and there had been a wonderful, No-Credit-No-Problem deal at the local dealership. They quickly learned their lesson.

While sailing through our solar system, the engine of their spaceship began to sputter. After much cursing and kicking of things with their many feet (the Universal action for fixing mechanical errors), they were forced to nosedive through our atmosphere and land somewhere in the depths of the Ohio River. It was only later that they understood what good fortune this was, as there were so many things floating in the Ohio River that their ship would never be discovered.

It was also great fortune, while floating amongst broken television sets and old tires, that I – Your Lowly Narrator – came across these creatures in the dead of night. I shall take only a moment out of this narrative to mention that I, a long-time scholar of unidentified flying objects and all things extraterrestrial – was both shocked and awed by this discovery. I quickly learned my lesson.

You see, Dear Readers, while I hid away Gorgo, Lipneck and it who shall be referred to as Bob, away in my guest room, they behaved not as guests. Nor did they behave as ambassadors from a far off land, as I had so hoped and dreamed upon their discovery. They were, in fact, trouble. The kind of trouble that deters young adults from ever wanting to bear children. The kind of trouble that causes a person to pull out their hair. Trouble, you see, with a capital T.

It seems that manners are remiss in their culture. As I had taken them in and sheltered them from the pokes and prods of our failed government, I expected some sort of response of gratitude. Instead, I am, in this blog, being forced to communicate progress reports and more personal messages to their home world. Something about avoiding the military and piggybacking messages to satellites over the Internet. I don’t really understand.

And, so, Dear Readers, if you have happened upon this page and this blog, please feel free to follow Gorgo, Lipneck and it who shall be referred to as Bob as they explore this planet. But please, we beg you, mention none of this to anyone connected to our government. While they never cease to get on my nerves, they are, after all, human beings . . . or, um, aliens  . . . Well, they just don’t deserve to get hurt.